Poetry: ‘Deep Hole’, a cancer survivor turns to poetry

Retired nurse Clara Costales- Orallo writes about her struggles with cancer. (Facebook)

Vancouver, B.C.

Deep Hole

Clara Costales-Orallo

(For three years now, I have been treated with medicine to target the metastatic cancer in my lungs. 

This is what happens after I have a treatment of immunotherapy)

My deep hole so dark and cold,
Climb up, with all your might!
So fatigued, groggy , weak, Nauseous and so alone,
feeling of hopelessness
engulfed me.
I am so tired, so tired and dozed off into oblivion
In a daze the nights and days came and went
Dreams of walking in a sunny
day by the creek
Running down stream and
racing with the rushing water.
The birds flying low hoping to
catch a minnow.
The sunsets’ glow the horizon
still lights the wheat fields below
I kept running, running fast then
I stumbled and came out of dreamland, awaken and still in that deep dark hole crouched, frightened and cold,
I heard a voice in the cold breeze “Be not afraid”
Get up and go, you can’t give up.
I put up my hands and
Hands stronger than mine.
pulled me up.
It was the Hands of the Lord
leading the way
I am up, I walked, I sung, to the Praises of God,
Still in a daze but fully awake,
Thank You Lord for getting me out of the that cold dark hole.

Note: I am not quite out of that cold deep, dark, hole yet, but that Hand that pulled me out in that instance will forever keep pulling me out till that dark cold hole will be covered with clean good warm earth and forever won’t be in that deep, cold, dark hole ever again.

The Sixth floor

My experience with cancer
Rendezvous with my life saving nivo.
It heals, it is fringed with torments and pain, mr. fatigue and miss forgetful.
melancholia and worthlessness.
So alone in the vast darkness. Direction unknown.
Feeling of being alone to cross that deep water full of despair, and hopelessness,
I’m drowning with fear and uncertainty of what tomorrow brings.
The healing team smiles with kind words of encouragement and a brighter tomorrow
Looking by the window to view the skies while nivo infused unto me.
Tall buildings reaching the clouds and raindrops falling heavily.
Pale faces, weary eyes, a lady with a hat or a beautifully coiffured hair
  to cover her balding head fills the 6th floor.
We are all up in arms for the Creator to hold and waiting for His Hands to pull us out of our dark hole.
I want to fly away, far, far away
Where flowers scents the air,
   the lilies blooms so fair.
And birds singing and gliding up high
   playing with the clouds in the sky
I want to fly with you and soar the heavens and the stars
Look down and see the beauty of the earth, full of greens,
   yellows and blues.
I can look so far beyond the rainbow.
What could be across the crescent colours in th skies?
a quite place where sickness, hurt, and loneliness
  never known to exist.
  with dancing little fairies, gliding with the breeze,
And the sun set on the horizon forever.
And so the day is over, till the next time for the meet
Face the next day with evil fringe of the healing nivo,
God our Father give me the strength to battle the unfriendly
So fatigued and a feeling of no tomorrow engulfs me.
Then I go into the Deep Hole a refuge.
(Nivolumab in short Nivo is the medicine I get monthly to shrink the cancer cells)
Clara Orallo, 2019

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