48 years ago, on September 21, 1973 – the 1st anniversary of Marcos’ martial law declaration (PD 1081), I was arrested, tortured and imprisoned until April 15, 1974. This poem is based on my experience and those of other detainees.
A Prisoner’s Psalm
Amado L. Picardal
From this dark and damp cell
I cry out to you —
Lord, can you hear my groaning?
All day long and into the night I cry out
But you seem to be distant or absent.
My throat is sore, I cannot scream anymore
Day and night they ask me all sorts of questions,
they strike, punch and kick me when I do not answer.
My fingers are swollen, I cannot clench my fist
My ribs seem to be broken, I cannot stand erect
My whole body is inflamed, it is getting numb.
I was thirsty and they forced me to drink rum.
to loosen my tongue and reveal to them the truth.
They stripped me off my clothes and my dignity.
They are preparing the machine that will electrify my body.
And now I dread the sound of footsteps and the opening of the door.
I prefer this darkness than face the glaring light.
They said only I can end my suffering
If I confess to them everything and betray those
Who oppose this dictatorial regime.
How much longer, do I have to suffer?
How much longer can I hold on?
How much longer can I maintain my sanity?
Will I ever see again the sky and the sun?
Will I ever see again the faces of those I love and serve?
Or will they make me disappear forever?
Lord, do not abandon me?
Deliver me from these kidnappers and murderers
who are trying to maintain peace and order.
Deliver me from these mercenaries
whose obsession is to defend national security
the security of this blood-thirsty and power-hungry dictator
the security of his cronies and their big business interests
the security of his alien lords and their bases and investments.
O, Lord my God,
I know you are neither blind nor deaf.
Your mercy and compassion endure forever.
You have always been a subversive God
you depose the mighty from their thrones and raise the lowly.
I cry out now to you: subvert this dictatorial regime!
Let your Spirit fill the hearts of those who are struggling to build a kingdom
of justice, peace and freedom.
From this dark and damp cell
I cry out to you, Lord can you hear me?
Into your hands I commend my broken body
and my wavering spirit.
Editor’s note: Fr. Picardal has been targeted for assassination and has been in hiding, even becoming a ‘hermit’ in the hills of Cebu City. When he was warned that his pursuers were close on his heels, he left the Philippines in 2018 and is now on self-exile in Rome where he remains to this day.